I used to always wonder… about how do we get feelings of attraction or repulsion towards strangers / acquaintances? What must be the reason for these feelings? These acquaintances have been coming across right from our childhood…to Adulthood… & will keep coming across in the old age too.
And these feelings of attraction or repulsion are not limited to strangers but it extends to our family members, siblings, cousins or relatives. I am sure we all have our favorite & loving siblings but we may not feel the same for other siblings.
This circle of our feelings originates & grows over a period of time. It starts from our family and moves to other members of society and then to people we meet in our professional lives as we grow up & become independent in life.
Let me take you to a short journey…
In the journey of life…we become friendly with some people in no time. However, some people remain strangers for us even after spending many years in the institutions like school, college, office or marriage. And some people looks to be so negative to us that we always want to avoid them despite of no conversations or may be very negligible conversation. This is known as Repulsion.
Some acquaintances are different as they stand out and we establish strong attraction towards them. This happens so naturally…just in a glimpse of a look. Even, if we have not started conversing with them. This kind of feeling, often results in long lasting Friendship, business partnerships, Love affair or in extreme situation Marriage too. This is due to Attraction.
These feelings we experience in the first meeting or few glimpses, play a very crucial role in giving a shape to our relationships with people.
However, One Second… it is only one side of the entire story. The same happens to other people who see and meet us during this journey. Even they experience same feelings of attraction & repulsion towards us. The feelings they experience, either motivates or de-motivates them to strike a rapport with us.
There are situations… where both the individuals may have opposite feelings for each other. One may feel attraction… and the other… may feel repulsion. This mismatch may be figured out in the beginning and sometimes in the later stages. In the later stages it may often result in break up or Divorce or split in business partnership.
The BIG question is why does it HAPPEN???
The reason to this question is related to a particular part of our brain. This part of our brain is responsible to ignites emotions like – Attraction & Repulsion. It is known as ‘Amygdala’ or ‘the reptilian Brain‘.
Apart from igniting these emotions, the other important function of ‘Amygdala’ is to help us SURVIVE in the world. Whenever, we see any unfavorable signs from the strangers, it instructs to take an escape route because we perceive it as possible DANGER. But when we see Favorable signs, it motivates us to approach towards them. May be… we perceive some possible REWARD. The REWARDS may be psychological, Financial, Physical or Spiritual in nature.
What are these signs that we see in strangers???
The signs we see are – facial expression, gestures, hand movements, body posture, voice tone, eyes, attire & behavior. Put all this together, it is known as Non Verbal Communication.
It happens so naturally… and instantly… at the sub conscious mind level, that we don’t realize, we are actually doing this. This part of our brain is super active in making instant judgments about strangers by processing these signs.
Depending upon the Signs received, we segregate people in these few categories –
- Potential Mating Partner
- Enemy or
So… when someone shows favorable signs, like a smiling face or making an eye contact & a hand shake, we see them as FRIEND. These FRIEND like stranger who also possess with attractive personality – beautiful abode, eyes, hair color, complexion etc… we further get interested in them to the next level. These people with naturally attractive appearance… may enhance their personality further…with amazing style statement and great personal grooming quotient. Now they become ‘Irresistible’. That’s how…we may perceive them as ‘Potential Mating Partner’.
That’s why we see Deodorant ads of on television… highlighting the better possibility of attracting the opposite sex. (On the lighter side…lol!)
Moving on to the next category…if the signs received does not match with our personal benchmark and in fact are found negative like no eye contact, grumpy face or inappropriate attire; we experience ‘Anxiety and Fear’. Because somewhere, deep down in our heart, we feel the other individual may harm us physically or psychology. And we decide to stay away from such people to avoid any potential losses. They are perceived as ‘ENEMY’.
And the last category is ‘INDIFFERENT‘. So when we don’t get any favorable or unfavorable signs from the stranger, we become indifferent towards them. This is a reaction by default in the absence of any connecting signs.
Now the interesting part in life is…we may have to go against our own feelings in some crucial situations. These situations may demand or expect us to adjust our feelings because of uncontrollable factors. Like in case of arrange marriage or working under a new Boss.
There is a famous saying…that goes like this – “you can never choose your father and boss” 🙂
The Irony of life is… in some tricky situations, we may see bigger rewards in associating with strangers but the opposite may not be true always. And that’s reason we need to put lots of efforts to impress them. Take a look at these situations –
- Asking the girl / boy for a date
- Proposing the girl / boy for marriage
- Selling yourself to a interviewer for potential Job
- Selling yourself to prospective client for a deal
Under these circumstances, it becomes imperative for us to adopt a good body language, facial expressions, eye contact, dress code and SMILE,in short good Non Verbal Communication. In case we succeed in conveying the positive signs, the other person may form a good judgment about us. And we may expect that we fall in the ‘FRIEND’ category or Vice-versa.
So the idea is to get in the right category i.e. FRIEND!
That means, Non Verbal Communication holds extreme importance as it impacts on the judgment we make for others & vice-versa. It needs utmost attention!!!
As per research done by scientists, Non Verbal Communication contributes 93% in the overall communication we do. But it’s often overlooked.
If we get our Non Verbal Communication right…it may result in a much rewarding personal & professional relationships. I request all readers, that kindly pay lot of attention on non verbal communication so it does not become an impediment. Rather make it so strong that it complements our communication with others. And the World becomes a much safer, happier and a loving place for everyone.
Wish you all a great life & amazing non verbal communication!!!
Remember – the most powerful form of non verbal communication is SMILE & Eye Contact 🙂
Please Note – The views expressed in this blog are my personal and are not meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. Some information shared is from my own research on Non Verbal Communication & Human Psychology.
Lots of Love,